Jokes » Bird jokes
This category has 143 jokes.Currently viewing page 1/6
"Look at that speed!" said one hawk to another as the jet fighter plane hurtled over their heads. "Hmph!" snorted the other. "You would fly fast too if your tail was on fire!" A couple of pigeons made a date to meet on the ledge outside the tenth floor of a skyscraper. The female was there on time, but the male arrived an hour late. "Where were you? I was worried sick. " "It was such nice day, I decided to walk. " A man with a talking parrot is getting married. On the day of the wedding he says to the parrot "Now look here, I know you are always sat in that window sticking your beak in, when me and my new wife get back from the wedding I want you to turn round and and no matter what you hear I do not want you to turn back or I'll break your neck, do you understand?" The parrot reluctantly agrees. On returning from the wedding the parrot turns round as instructed, and behind him the bride and groom start to pack for the honeymoon. The wife however has packed too much and they can't get the case closed. "Get on top and sit on it baby!" Says the man the woman does so and grunts and moans but can't shut the case. "You get on top baby it might be better" Says the wife, so the man grunts and groans and tries his best but still cant shut the case. After a little thought the man says "Ok we'll both get on top see if that's any better!" The parrot turns round and says "Neck or no neck I have to see this!" Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas???You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday. "
David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and terrible vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude. He was constantly saying polite words and playing soft music, he did anything he could think of. Nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird got madder and ruder. Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions, so I ask for your forgiven ess. I will try to correct my behavior. " David was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had changed him when the parrot continued: "May I ask what the chicken did?" Did you hear about the chicken that wanted to take ballet lessons?"He wanted to be a hentertainer. "
How can you tell if a parrot is intelligent?It speaks in Polly-syllables!
How do you get a cut-price parrot? Plant bird seed ! How do you get a parrot to talk properly? Send him to polytechnic ! How do you identify a bald eagle?All his feathers are combed over to one side.
How do you make a tame duck wild? Annoy it. How do you stop a rooser crowing on Sunday? Eat him on Saturday ! How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely? With it's sparrowchute ! How long do chickens work? Around the cluck ! How many ducks would there be, if you saw two ducks in front of two ducks, two ducks between two ducks, and two ducks behind two ducks? Answer: 4 ducks-because they are in a row. Is chicken soup good for your health?Not if you're the chicken !
My parrot lays square eggs but can only say one word. What's that? Ouch! Q: What is a crowbar?A: A place were crows go to get a drink!
Q: Why did the chicken say, "Meow, oink, bow-wow, and moo?" A: He was studying foreign languages. Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?A: To get to the chick across the street!
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?A: To prove he wasn't chicken.
Q: Why do hens lay eggs?A: If they dropped them, they'd break
Teacher: What's a robin? Fred: A bird that steals, ma'am. Teacher: What's the definition of a Polygamist?Pupil: A parrot with more than one wife!
Teacher: Why do we put a hyphen in a bird-cage? Pupil: For a parrot to perch on, miss.Page: 1 :: 2 :: 3 :: 4 :: 5 :: 6