Jokes » Birthday jokes
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"Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade. " "Did you go shopping for my birthday present?" "Yeah, and I found the perfect thing. " "What thing is that?" "Nothing!" "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake. " "Next time, take off the candles. " "I guess I didn't get my birthday wish. " "How do you know?" "You're still here!" "I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday. '" "I'm giving a 'surprised' birthday party for you. " "A 'surprised'. birthday party? What's that?" "That's where I invite a bunch of your friends, and if any of them come, I'll be surprised!" "My birthday's coming" Do you know what I need?" "Yeah, but how do you wrap a life?" "This birthday cake certainly is crunchy. " "Maybe you should spit out the plate!" "Were any famous men born on your birthday?" "No, only little babies. " A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday. " Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!" A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. 'What's the matter?' she asked. 'It's my birthday!' he hollered. 'And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon there's to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards. . . ' and he had to stop talking because he was crying so hard. 'But that's lovely, ' said the old lady. 'Why are you crying?' 'Because I'm lost!' A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again. " On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!" A man who forgets his wife's birthday is certain to get something to remember her by. A St. Louis mother telephoned the capital building over in Jefferson City and asked to speak to the game warden. After being switched from office to office, a voice finally said, "Hello. " "Are you the game warden?" she asked. "Yes. " "Finally Ah've got the right person!" she said. "Could yaw'l gimme some help with my son's birthday party?" BoyFriend: Why didn't you give me anything for my birthday?GirlFriend: You told me to surprise you.
Cat: "What did you get him for his birthday?" Dog: "Pant . . . pant!" Cat: "Great . . . he needs a pair of pants!" Charley wanted to buy Farley a birthday cake, but he couldn't figure out how to get the cake in the typewriter so he could type 'Happy Birthday' Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday. How lovely! Yes, but he only did it so as not to have to do the washing-up. Mum's too frightened he'll break it! Did you hear about the dancer's birthday? It was a tappy one! Did you hear about the flag's birthday? It was a Happy one! Did you hear about the time Eddy's sister tried to make a birthday cake?The candles melted in the oven.
Did you hear about the tree's birthday? It was a sappy one! First boy: Are you having a party for your birthday? Second boy: No, I'm having a witch do. First boy: What's a witch do? Second boy: She flies around on a broomstick casting spells. For his birthday the monster asked for a heavy sweater. So they gave him a sumo wrestler! Fred: Do you like the dictionary I bought you for your birthday? Harry: Sure. It's a great present but I just can't find the words to thank you enough.Page: 1 :: 2 :: 3 :: 4