Jokes » Cat jokes
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"Doctor, " said the patient, "I need help! I can't stop acting like a cat!" "How long have you had this problem?" the doctor asked. "Lest's see, " said the patient, "Mom had the litter in '41 A guy walks into a laundry run by cats. "Excuse me", he said to the cat in charge, "Can you get milk stains out?" "Sure, " replied the cat. "We'll have that stain licked in a minute!" A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing chess with his cat. She says to the man "I can't believe what I'm seeing, a cat that plays chess, what a clever animal!!" The man replied "Nah lady this cats not clever at all I'm beating it 6 games to 1" Brother: Did you put the cat out? Sister: Why, is it on fire? For all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers, or are a teenager, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats: - Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name. - No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot. - You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents. - Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile. - No cat or teenager shares you taste in music. - Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing. - Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry o n as if they did. - Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy -- a sense of complete and utter boredom. - Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone's furniture. - Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior. Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned. How do cats eat spaghetti?The same as everyone else - they put it in their mouths!
How do cats eat spaghetti?The same as everyone else - they put it in their mouths!
How do you know if you cat's got a bad cold?He has cat-arrh !
How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling?She's got that down in the mouth look !
How do you know that cats are sensitive creatures?They never cry over spilt milk !
How is cat food sold?Usually purr can !
If a cat won an Oscar, what would he get? An a-cat-emy award. Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "Whatcha doing, Tim?" "My goldfish died, " replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. "And I've just buried him. " The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat. " On what should you mount a statue of your cat?A caterpillar !
Q: How do cats buy things? - A: From a cat-alogue! Q: What did the female cat say to the male cat? - A: You're the purrfect cat for me! Q: What do cats like to eat on a hot day? - A: Mice cream Q: What do you call a cat when he first wakes up with the alarm clock? - A: Catsup! Q: What do you call a cat who eats lemons? - A: A sourpuss! Q: What do you call a cat who's joined the Red Cross? - A: A first-aid kit! Q: What do you call it when a cat bites? - A: Catnip! Q: What do you call it when a cat stops? - A: A paws! Q: What do you call the loser in a hissing, scratching cat fight? - A: Claude Q: What kind of cats lay around the house? - A: Car-pets! Q: What kind of work does a weak cat do? - A: Light mouse work.Page: 1 :: 2 :: 3 :: 4