Jokes » Children jokes

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"What were you before you came to school, boys and girls?" asked the teacher, hoping that someone would say "babies. " She was disappointed when all the children cried out, "Happy!"

'Mum, ' yelled Johnny from the kitchen, 'you know that dish you were always worried that I would break?' 'Yes dear, what about it?' 'Well your worries are over.'

'Mum, there's a man at the door collecting for the Old Folk's Home. Shall I give him Grandma?'

'Why are you crying, Ted?' asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt. ' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet. ' 'But they are the only feet I have.'

'William, I've been told that you have been fighting with the boys next door, ' said mum. 'yes, but they're twins, so I wanted some way to tell the apart.'

'You boy !' called a policeman. ' Can you help? We're looking for a man with a huge red nose called Cotters. . . . . . ' 'Really?' said the boy. 'What're his ears called?'

A certain little boy had been spanked by his father one morning. When his dad came in from the office that evening, the boy called out sulkily, ' Mum ! your husband's just come home.'

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter. " Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Janey Sugarbrown. " The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" With her mother standing just a few feet away, the little girl replied, "I thought I was, but Mommy says I'm not. "

A father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?" "Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector, " he replies To this his friend responds, "Strange ambition to have for a career. " "Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"

A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. "Davy, what noise does a cow make?" "It goes moo. " "Alice, what noise does a cat make?" "It goes meow. " "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?" "It goes baaa. " "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?" "Errr. . , it goes. . click!"

A little boy came downstairs crying late one night. ' What's wrong?' asked his mother. Do people really come from dust, like they said in church? he sobbed. 'In a way they do, ' said his mother. ' And when they die do the turn back to dust?'. 'Yes, they do. ' The little boy began to cry again. ' Well, under my bed there's someone either coming or going !'

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between pages. "Mommy, look what I found, " the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered: "It's Adam's clothes!!!!!"

A little boy walked down the aisle at a wedding. As he made his way to the front, he would take two steps, then stop, and turn to the crowd, alternating between the bride's side and the groom's side. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. And so it went-step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR-all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and he was near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed back his tears and said, "I was being the ring bear. "

A little boy went into a baker's' 'How much are those cakes? he asked 'Two for 25 cents, ' said the baker ' How much does one cost?' asked the boy '13 cents, ' said the baker 'Then I'll take the other one for 12 cents !' said the boy

A little girl was next in line. 'My name's Curtain, ' she said. 'I hope your first name is not Agnate?' 'No, it's velvet !'

A little girl was playing in the garden when she spied two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating, " her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. "That's a daddy long legs, " her father answered. "So, the other one is a mommy long legs?" the little girl asked. "No, " her father replied. "Both of them are daddy long legs. " The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having any of THAT in our garden. "

A little kid is sitting on a park bench eating abag of chocolates an old man walking by stops to say that if he continues to eat like that he won`t live very long; indignantly the kid says " oh yeah my grandfather lived to be 104 years old" the old man replies "i'm sure he did kid. but it wasn`t from eating all that chocolate "oh no sir" says the kid, it was by minding his own business !

A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the man moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the childs level, the man smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" The boy replies, "Now we run!"

A man out for a walk came across a little boy pulling his cat's tail. 'Hey you!' he shouted, ' don't pull the cat's tail !' 'I'm not pulling !' replied the little boy. 'I'm only holding on - the cat's pulling !'

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: "What does the cow say?" Child: "Moo!" Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?" Child: "Meow. " Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud. "

A mother was teaching her 3-year-old the Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation, " she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail, Amen. "

A naughty child was irritating all the passengers on the flight from London to New York. At last one man could stand it no longer. "Hey kid, " he shouted. "Why don't you go outside and play?"

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?" She in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit. "

A schoolteacher was trying to teach her six-year old class students how to say the pledge of allegiance to the flag. The schoolteacher said, O. K. children begin by putting your hand over your little heart and repeat with me, I pledge allegiance to the HOLD IT! HOLD IT! Johnny, why is your hand over your butt cheek instead of your heart? Johnny relied! I can't. Teacher asks, why not? Well you see, when my ant comes over to pick me up and pats my bottom and says, BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART!!!!!!

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup. She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?" Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup. "

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