Jokes » Fishing jokes
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"Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend?" asked Jane's best friend. "Why shouldn't I?" said Jane. "Well, maybe he is having an affair?" "No way" said Jane "he never returns with any fish. . . " "I caught a twenty pound salmon last week. " "Were there any witnesses?" "There sure were. If there hadn't been, it would have been forty pounds. " "I didn't see you in church last Sunday, Nigel. I hear you were out playing football instead. " "That's not true, vicar. And I've got the fish to prove it!" "What's the biggest fish you ever caught?" "That would be the one that measured fourteen inches. . . . " "That's not so big!" "Between the eyes?" A couple of young guys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the game warden. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell and hot on his heels came the game warden. After about a half mile, the guy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the game warden finally caught up to him. "Let's see yer fishin license, boy!" the warden gasped. With that, the guy pulled out his wallet and gave the game warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son, " said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!" "Yes sir, " replied the young feller. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one. . . " A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?The father replied, "Don't rightly know son. " A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do fish breath underwater?" Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son. " A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?" Again, the father repied. "Don't rightly know son. " Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?" The father replied, "Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'. "
A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that was bigger and heavier than he. On the way to the cleaning shed, he ran into a second fisherman who had a stringer with a dozen baby minnows. The second fisherman looked at the marlin, turned to the first fisherman and said, " Only caught one, eh?" A guy rings his boss and says "I can't come to work today The boss asks why and the guy says "it's my eyes. " "What's wrong with your eyes?" asks the boss. "I just can't see myself coming to work, so I'm going fishing instead. . . " A man was fishing in the jungle. After a while another angler came to join him. "Have you had any bites?" asked the second man. "Yes, lots, " replied the first one, "but they were all mosquitoes. " A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish. " "Pet fish?!" the warden replied. "Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home. " "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works. " "O. K. I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious. The man poured the fish in to the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?" "Well, what?" the man respond ed. "When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted. "Call who back?" the man asked. "The FISH" "What fish?" the man asked. A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope. "That's what I like to see, " said the priest, "A man helping his fellow man. " As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, "Well, he sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing. " A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish. One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy. The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor used his fishing scales. The baby weighed 22 lbs 10 oz. . An old lady saw a little boy with a fishing-rod over his shoulder and a jar of tadpoles in his hand walking through the park one Sunday. "Little boy, " she called, "don't you know you shouldn't go fishing on a Sunday?" "I'm not going fishing, ma'am, " he called back, "I'm going home. " Bob is sitting on the ice all day fishing with no luck, not even a nibble. Cold and tired he is about to leave, when a guy walks up cuts a hole in the ice beside him, and starts pulling out fish as fast a he can drop his hook in the water. Bob can't believe it, he yells over " whats your secret?" "woogatkakeptewrwm" he answers back. "what did you say?" replies Bob. The man spits a large ball of worms on the ice and says to Bob, " you have to keep your worms warm". Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten. . . " Fisherman: What are you fishing for sonny? Boy: I'm not fishing, I'm drowning worms. Fishing rule #1: The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish. Fishing rule #2: The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you. Fishing rule #3: Fishing will do a lot for a man but it won't make him truthful. Fishing season hasn't opened and a fisherman who doesn't have a license, is casting for trout as a stranger approaches and asks: "Any luck?" "Any luck? This is a wonderful spot. I took 10 out of this stream yesterday, " he boasts. "Is that so? By the way, do you know who I am?" asks the stranger. "Nope. " "Well, meet the new game warden. " "Oh, " gulped the fisherman. "Well, do you know who I am?" "Nope. " "Meet the biggest liar in the state!" George went fishing, but at the end of the day he had not caught one fish. On the way back to camp, he stopped at a fish store. 'I want to buy three trout, ' he said to the owner. 'But instead of putting them in a bag, throw them to me. ' 'Why should I do that?' the owner asked. 'So I can tell everyone that I caught three fish!' Have you seen the new fishing website?No, it's not online yet.
Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat. Then he went about his fishing. An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth. . . Heard the one about the three blondes that went ice fishing and didn't catch anything?By the time they cut a hole big enough for the boat to fit in it was time to go home.
Henry's son, David, burst into the house, crying. His mother asked him what the problem was. "Daddy and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, while he was reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away. " "Now come on, David, " his mother said, "a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have just laughed it off. " "But that's just what I did, mommy. " How did the fish's tail get stuck in the anchor chain?It was just a fluke!
How do fish go into business? The start on a small scale !Page: 1 :: 2 :: 3 :: 4 :: 5 :: 6