Jokes » Hair and bald jokes

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A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine. " The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room. " She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that. The cowboy said, "Tell him your working overtime and I'll pay you the difference. " She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you. "

A guy admired the hair of three girls. He walked by one and asked, "How'd you get such lovely blonde hair" Taking her hand and gently running it through her hair, the girl answered, "It's natural. " The guy walked by the second girl and asked, "How'd you get such pretty brown hair?" Fluffing her hair, the second girl said, "It's natural. " Finally the guy approached the third girl and asked, "How'd you get such cool green hair?" Taking her hand and rubbing it up past her nose, then skimming it through the hair, she said, "It's natural. "

A guy walks in to the Barbershop. Barber says, "What will it be today?" Guy says, "well I want it going with my waves on top, faded on one side, plug the other, and just make it all out of shape and messed up. " Barber says, "Now why in the world do you want your hair cut like that. " Guy says, "That's how you cut it last time"

a guy was teased everywhere of his totally noticably bald head! Afta goin thru yrs of this, he decided that he should say sumthin about it! so he stood up on2 the tallest statue and shouted 4 everyone 2 hear: 'I AM NOT BALD, ITS JUST THAT IM TALLER THAN MY HAIR!'

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade, " he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes. " When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you. " "That wasn't my daddy, " said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing, " says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum. " The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech. "And what if I swallow it?" "No problem, " says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does. "

A man sitting in a barber's chair noticed that the barber's hands were very dirty. When he commented on this, the barber explained, "Yes, sir, no one's been in for a shampoo yet. "

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?
It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking TWA, " was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at the downtown International Marriott. " "That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?" "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope. " "That's rich, " laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it. " A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome. "It was wonderful, " explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel-it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!" "Well, " muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the pope. " "Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally me et some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me. " "Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?" He said, "Where'd you get the lousy haircut?

A punk walked into a barber's shop and sat in an empty chair. "Haircut, sir?" asked the barber. "No, just change the oil, please!"

A woman was cutting her husband's thinning hair, when their teenage son arrived home looking for a snack. She ofered a kiwifruit and tried to tempt him with its nutritious qualities. "It has more vitamin C than an orange, " she remarked. "And more hair than Dad, " added their son.

America's oldest lady was 115 years old today, and she hasn't got a grey hair on her head. How come? She's completely bald.

Barber: And how old are you, little man? Fred: Eight. Barber: And do you want a haircut? Fred: Well, I certainly didn't come in for a shave!

Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in? Customer: No. Barber: Oh dear! Then I must have cut your throat.

Barber: Your hair is getting grey, Sir. Customer: I'm not surprised - hurry up, will you?

Customer: Why did you take off so much hair?
Barber: I didn't, nature beat me to it.

Customer: Why doesn't my hairline look good?
Barber: It's on the same old head.

Customer: Why is my hairline receding?
Barber: It's not. Your scalp is advancing.

Doctor, Doctor my hair keeps falling out, can you give me anything to keep it in?
Yes, here is a paper bag !

Doctor, doctor, can you give me something for my baldness? How about a few pounds of pig manure? Will that cure my baldness? No, but with that on your head no one will come near enough to notice you're bald.

First boy: My dad saw a horrible witch and didn't turn a hair! Second boy: I'm not surprised - your dad's bald!

For what person do all men take off their hats?
The barber.

Fred: Betty has lovely long red hair all down her back. Harry: Pity it's not on her head!

How can you avoid falling hair?
Get out of the way.

How does a barber make phone calls? He cuts them short.

How much for a haircut? Barber: Fifteen dollars. How much for a shave? Barber: Ten dollars. Right - shave my head.

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