Jokes » Horse jokes
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"Will I ever be able to race my horse again" the owner asked the vet. The vet replied, "You certainly will, and you'll probably beat her too!" A man has a racehorse, never won a race. Man in disgust says, " Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning. " The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track. He kicks the horse and asks, "WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING. The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning. " A mean horseman went into a saddler's shop and asked for one spur. "One spur?" asked the saddler. "Surely you mean a pair of spurs, sir?" "No, just one, " replied the horseman. "If I can get one side of the horse to go, the other side is bound to come with it!" A stallion and a mare where due to get married, but the stallion didn't show up at the church. He got colt feet As horses say to one another. Any friend of yours is a palomino! Did you find my horse well behaved?Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!
Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse?It got angry and bit at the champ!
Did you hear about the aristocratic horse?He was the last of his race!
Did you hear about the depressed horse?He told a tale of whoa!
Did you hear about the horse that has made a dozen films?He's not a star though, he just does bit parts!
Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude?He always said "Neigh"
Did you hear about the Irishman who couldn't tell the difference between his two horses?His friend suggested measuring them, that didn't help though, the Irishman discovered that the brown horse was only an inch taller than the white one!
Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but oats every day?He fell in love with the Grand National winner!
Did you hear about the man who named his horse Radish? Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette?He didn't have enough money tabaccer!
Did you hear about the man with five keen senses?He still lacked common and horse!
Did you hear about the overweight man who took up horse riding as exercise?The horse lost 15 pounds in a week!
Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in?They had to pay the jockey overtime!
Girl: We have a mayor. Do you?Horse: Sure! Girl: What do you call it?
Horse: Same as you do. Mare!
Have you read the book, "100-mile Horse Trek" Who wrote it?Major Bumsore
How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable?He tried to stirrup some interest!
How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites?They take a gallop poll!
How do you go about hiring a horse?Try two pairs of stilts!
How do you hire a horse?Put a brick under each hoof!
How do you lead a horse to water?With lots of carrots.
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