Jokes » Letter jokes
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1st vampire: How things? 2nd vampire: Terrible! Today I received a letter saying I'm overdrawn by 50 pints at the blood bank. An Irishman went into a post office to see if there were any letters for him. "I'll see, sir, " said the clerk. "What is your name?" "You're having me on now because I'm Irish, " said the Irishman. "Won't you see the name on the envelope?" An old lady walked in to the post office to buy stamps and as she was short-sighted the clerk offered to stick the stamps on for her. `Wait a minute, ' he said, `you've written the address upside down. ' `I know, ' said the little old lady, `the letter is going to Australia.' Are you writing a thank you letter to Grandma like I told you to? Yes Mom. Your handwriting seems very large. Well, Grandma's very deaf, so I'm writing very loudly. Betty was scribbling industriously over some paper with a pencil when her mother asked her what she was drawing. "I'm not drawing, Mom, " she said indignantly, "I'm writing a letter to Fred. " "But you can't write, " Mom pointed out. "That's all right, " said Betty, "Fred can't read. " Braxton and Hollis had jobs at a California cotton mill. One morning the foreman came along and found Braxton reading a letter to his coworker. "Hey, " cried the foreman, "what kind a horseplay you two guys up to?" "Hollis got a letter from his girlfriend, " explained Braxton, "but he can't read; so Ah'm readin' the letter for him. " "How come you got the cotton in your ears?" "Hollis don't want me to hear what his girlfriend writ to him!" Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning, and upon reading it burst into floods of tears. "What's the matter?" asked her companion. "Oh dear, " sobbed Auntie, "It's my favorite nephew. He's got three feet. " "Three feet?" exclaimed her friend. "Surely that's not possible?" "Well, " said Auntie, "his mother's just written to tell me he's grown another foot !" Did you hear about the sister who wrote herself a letter and forgot to sign it and when it arrived she didn't know who it was from. Have you ever seen a duchess? Yes - it's the same as an English "s" His girlfriend returned all his letters. I bet she marked them "second class male !" How did skeletons send each other letters in the days of the Wild West? By Bony Express. How does a ghost start a letter? Tomb it may concern. How many letters are there in the alphabet?Eleven. T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
I got an anonymous letter today. Oh, really - who was it from?! Josh sent a letter to his folks. He told about a ten-mile hike he had taken. His father wrote back saying, 'In my day I thought nothing of walking ten miles. ' Josh wrote back, 'To tell the truth, I didn't think much of it either. Last night I wrote myself a letter. But I forgot to sign it and now I don't know who it's from. Q: Why did the witch's mail rattle? A: It was a chain letter. Teacher: Frd, give me a sentence starting with "I. " Fred: I is . . . Teacher: No, Fred. You must always say "I am. " Fred: Oh, right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. What 8-letter word has one letter in it?Envelope.
What did the envelope say to the stamp?"Stick with me and we'll go places. "
What did the stamp say to the envelope?"I've become attached to you. "
What did the werewolf write at the bottom of the letter? Best vicious . . . What do snakes write on the bottom of their letters? With love and hisses. What do you call a Welshman who writes lots of letters?Pen Gwyn !
What does an envelope say when you lick it?Nothing. It just shuts up.
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