Jokes » Movie and TV jokes

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A bit-part actor finally got his first leading role in a major film. In one scene the actor had to jump off a high diving board in to a swimming pool. He climed to the top of the board, looked down and promptly climbed down again. `What's the matter?' asked the director. `I can't jump from that board!' said the actor. `Do you know there's only one foot of water in that pool?' 'Yes, ' said the director. `We don't want you to drown, you know.'

A movie producer is lying by the pool at the Beverly Hilton. His partner arrives in a great state of excitement. "How'd the meeting go?" asks the first guy. "It went great, " says his buddy. "Tarentino will write and direct for six million, Mel Gibson will star for eight, and we can bring in the whole picture for under fifty million. " "Fabulous, " says the guy by the pool. "There's just one catch, " his partner warns. "What's the catch?" "We have to put up ten thousand in cash".

After a difficult day a struggling actor returns to his neighborhood and is shocked to find a cadre of police and fire trucks surrounding the smoldering remains of his house. Explaining who he was he asks "What happened?" "Well, " one of the officer's says, "It seems that your agent came by your house earlier today and while he was here he attacked your wife, assaulted your children, beat your dog and burned your house to the ground. " The actor is struck speechless, his jaw hanging open in disbelief. . . "My agent came to my house?"

An actor went to see a new agent one day and said, `You must have a look at my act, it really is innovative. ' So saying, he flew up to the ceiling, circled the room a few times and landed smoothly on the agent's desk. `So you do bird impressions, ' said the agent, `what else can you do?'

Denied membership in an exclusive country club because he was an actor, biblical epic star Victor Mature is reported to have said "Hell, I'm no actor, and I've got thirty movies to prove it!"

Fred: I met a really conceited actor the other day. Harry: Why do you say he's conceited?
Fred: Well, every time there was a thunderclap during the storm, he went to the window and took a bow.

Fred: I'd love to be an actress. Harry: Break a leg then! Amy: Whatever for? Fred: Then you'd be in a cast for weeks.

How many film directors does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done, everyone says that his last light bulb was much better.

Neighbour: Haven't I seen you on TV? Actor: Well, I do appear, on and off, you know. How do you like me? Neighbour: Off.

One agent stops by another agent's table to tell him the big news: "Elvis just died!" The second agent says nothing, then starts nodding. "Good career move. "

Producer: Would you call your leading lady ugly?
Director: Let's just say she'd look better on radio than on TV.

Q: How can you tell the dumbest actress working on a movie?
A: She's the one sleeping with the writer.

Q: How many 1st AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Why are you asking me that question? Can't you see I'm busy!

Q: How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Uh. . . standby, I'll check on that.

Q: How many absurdist/surrealist comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: November.

Q: How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that. "

Q: How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.

Q: How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb A: Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder. . .

Q: How many Camera Assistants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five: One to do it and four to tell you how they did it on the last job.

Q: How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.

Q: How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.

Q: How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one more, guys, I promise.

Q: How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one. . . but how do you get him in there with the cute, blonde?

Q: How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, if he's got a good crew to do it.

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