Jokes » School jokes
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"Dad, can you write in the dark?" "I think so. What is it you want me to write?" "Your name on this report card. " "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't, " said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself. " "Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl. "Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl. "No. " "I'm the principal's daughter. " "And do you know who I am?" asked the boy. "No, " she replied. "Thank goodness!" "It's clear" said the teacher, "That you haven't studied your geography. What's your excuse?" "Well, my dad says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until it settles down!" "Our teacher has a bad memory. For three days she asked us how much is two and two. We told her it was four. But she still doesn't know. Today she asked us again!" 'Ann!' the teacher shouted one day at the girl who had been daydreaming out the window. 'If India has the world's second largest population, oranges are 50 cents for six and it costs $3 for a day return to Austin, how old am I?'Thirty two!' 'Why did you say that?' 'Well, my brother's sixteen and he's half mad !'
'I'm not going to school today, ' Alexander said to his mother. 'The teachers bully me and the boys in my class don't like me. ' 'Why?' 'Firstly, you're 35 years old. Secondly, you're the principal.' A college business professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day's lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil. "And who was it that developed the theories behind communism?" the professor asked. "I don't know, " the student said. "Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Reebs, you would know, " said the professor. "That's not true, " the student replied. "I never pay attention anyway!" A history joke Teacher: When was Rome built?Pupil: At night. Teacher: Why did you say that?
Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day!
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English, " he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative. " A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right. " A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do. " The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this . . . by the way, what was it that you didn't do?" The little girl replied, "My homework. " A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers. " A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see under math an A+. Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, "What changed your mind about learning math?" The son looked at mom and dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher's desk and I knew they meant business. " A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point. " The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change. A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. He wore it under his shirt and it was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest class in the school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times. While working at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class become more and more unmanageable. Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places. Discipline was not a problem from that day forth. A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke. His Mother said, "Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?" "Uhh, oh yeah, O. K. " responded the kid. So his Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she gets back, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?" "Oh, I wrote two checks, one for $20, and the other for $1, 000 out to him. " "That's $1020!!!" yelled Dad, "Are you going crazy???" "Don't worry hon, " Mom said, kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1, 000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 15!" A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam. " She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean. . . " she whispers, ". . . I would do. . . anything. " He returns her gaze. "Anything?" "Anything. " His voice softens. "Anything??" "Absolutely anything. " His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you. . . study?" A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face. " "Yes, sir, " the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "'It's because yer feet ain't empty. " A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, "if you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?" "Somebody else's pants. " An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework?Pupil: I didn't do it because I didn't want to add to your already heavy workload.
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework?Pupil: I left it in my shirt and my mother put it in the washing machine
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework?Pupil: I loaned it to a friend, but he suddenly moved away
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework?Pupil: I put it in a safe, but lost the combination!
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework?Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework?Pupil: My little sister ate it!
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