Jokes » Telephone jokes
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A man and a couple of his friends had just finished a round of golf at the country club and they were changing their shoes when a cell phone on the bench rang. The man picked it up and answered it. "Hi honey, " said the woman on the other end. "Hi honey, " replied the man. "I was just calling to tell you about this fur coat I found today. It's beautiful fox fur and I just love the way it looks on me. It's on sale too, a real bargain. It's down to $2000 from $4000. Can I get it?" The man thought about it for a sec and said, "You're sure it's a good deal?" "Oh yes, " replied the woman. "Okay then, I guess you can get it, " replied the man. The woman continued, "Oh, and you know how we've been thinking about getting rid of the Lexus and getting a new Jaguar? Well, I went to the dealership today and the guy gave me a real deal. He said he'd lower the price from $50, 000 to $35, 000 just for me. Can I get it?" The man thought a little harder and said, "If you're sure it's a good deal, then yes, go ahead and get the Jaguar. " The woman continued again. "Oh, one last thing, honey. Remember that house we saw last month that we really liked, but decided we'd wait and think about? Well, it's on the market again, so I checked the price. It's down to $450, 000 and I checked with the bank and we have enough in the checking account so that I can just write a check. Should I get it?" The man got a frown on his face and said, "See if you can get them down to $420, 000. If they'll go down to that, go ahead and get it. " The woman was extremely excited. "Okay honey, thank you so much! I'll see you when I get home! Bye!" "Bye, " said the man. He hung up the phone and looked at the other men in the locker room and said, "Does anyone know whose phone this is?" A psychiatrist was testing the mentality of a patient. "Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices are coming from?" asked the psychiatrist. "As a matter of fact, I do, " said the patient. "And when does this happen?" asked the psychiatrist. "Oh, " said the patient, "when I answer the telephone. " After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication. When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief. Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail. Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents! At three o'clock one morning a veterinary surgeon was woken from a deep sleep by the ringing of his telephone. He staggered downstairs and answered the phone. "I'm sorry if I woke you, " said a voice at the other end of the line. "That's all right, " said the vet, "I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway. " Caller: My goodness, Operator! Your nose is so stuffed up, I can't understand you. You should really take something for that cold. Operator: Good idea. I'll take the rest of the day off! Caller: Operator! Operator! Call me an ambulance! Operator: Okay. You're an ambulance! Caller: Operator! Operator! Do you know my boyfriend's line has been busy for an hour? Operator: No, but if you hum a few bars, I might be able to sing along with you. Caller: Operator! Operator! I don't know what's wrong with my phone, but I can't make long distance calls any longer! Operator: Don't worry. Your long distance calls are long enough already! Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a telephone. Doctor: Why's that? I keep getting calls in the night. Harry was madly in love with Betty, but couldn't pluck up enough courage to pop the question face to face. Finally he decided to ask her on the telephone. 'Darling!' he blurted out, 'will you marry me?' 'Of course, I will, you silly boy, ' she replied, 'who is it speaking?' Hello, police? Please send an officer over to 324 London Road right away! Sorry, this isn't the police station. It's the Delicatessen. Oh. Well, in that case, please send over a pastrami sandwich! How can you tell if a bee is on the phone? You get a buzzy signal. How can you tell if someone who's having a temper tantrum is on the phone? You get a tizzy signal! How can you tell if someone who's just had a perm is on the phone? You get a frizzy signal! How did the telephones get married?In a double ring ceremony !
How do Iranians speak on the telephone?Persian-to-Persian (person-to-person).
How do scaredy-cats answer the phone? Yellow? How do, like, really laid-back types answer the phone? Mellow. How does a baboon make phone calls? He just monkeys around on the line! How does a baritone make phone calls? Song distance! How does a cheerleader answer the phone? H-E-L-L-O! How does a door chime answer the phone? Bella? How does a football player make phone calls? On a touch-down phone. How does a lobster answer the phone? Shello? How does a skeleton call her friends?On a telebone.
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